I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
