remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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