just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
