I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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