Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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