She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
