I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...