I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is Oprah even human
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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