So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
