that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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