i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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