I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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