remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
