someone owes me an orgasm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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