it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
