1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
