So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh god was she eating orange peels again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
