Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
