so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
