im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
