I wish life had little blips of pornography
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
