i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
