Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize