dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
