It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God, I missed his penis.
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