There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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