I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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