i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
