It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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