I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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