Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
