Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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