don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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