My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
