How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
