She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
