Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
