Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I look better un-naked...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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