just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
