please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
