Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
