all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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