it wasn't lemon gatorade
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
