when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
