just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
