Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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