He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
