Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
