I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
