Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
