i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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