look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
