Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
