there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize