and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Randomize
