apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
