got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
