Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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