i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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