You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she smelled like a LAN party
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
