i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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