Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
