Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
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What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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