Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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